6.30.2004
I'm laying back in bed considering all that is going on in my life, it occurs to me that we can't have real feelings anymore; they all have been stereotyped!
__________________________________________________________
6.28.2004
as one door slams shut
another swings wide open
guess the trick is to never stop knocking!!
__________________________________________________________
another swings wide open
guess the trick is to never stop knocking!!
6.08.2004
I woke up to this horrible nightmare. It's dark, I'm alone and sick as a dog. I'm in a
small apartment with crapy furniture. Its quite except for the refrigerator humming in the background. There is no one around, no one. I think of my family and realize they are across two continents and an ocean. I think 'fuck this, I'm going back to bed'. I grab the nasal decongestion spray out of the medicine cabinet, still cant breath. I check the expiration and Its way past due. I reach for the box of the newly purchased alka seltzer and find out I've purchased the upset stomach rather than the flu formula by mistake. the whole thing comes crashing down. I slump on the edge of the bed with the box in one hand and my hot forehead in another. the salty clear liquid slithers quietly down, mixes with snot and forms a drop on the tip of my nose. I watch it fall and splatter on the parquet floor. 'how cool is that!' I think. 'why didn't it drop down as a flat sheet?! gravity is something!' I pause the drop in mid air and look at it. round on the bottom, pointy on top, transparent, holding inside the inverted empty medicine bottle. I think 'if I heat the floor the water will evaporate and form a cloud close to the ceiling above my bed, and sometimes during the night when the temperature falls maybe it will start raining. me raining on me as I'm laying face up in my bed, not sleeping, washing away the tears'. then I start associating with the parquet floor and fall into this loop of evaporation and condensation and it goes on and on. meanwhile the parquet floor is turning white. the layer of salt around my bed gets thicker and thicker and closer and closer to surface of the bed. all the clothes on the floor are buried now. it continues to rise and evenutaly covers me.
I wake up. Its dark, I'm alone and sick as a dog.
__________________________________________________________
small apartment with crapy furniture. Its quite except for the refrigerator humming in the background. There is no one around, no one. I think of my family and realize they are across two continents and an ocean. I think 'fuck this, I'm going back to bed'. I grab the nasal decongestion spray out of the medicine cabinet, still cant breath. I check the expiration and Its way past due. I reach for the box of the newly purchased alka seltzer and find out I've purchased the upset stomach rather than the flu formula by mistake. the whole thing comes crashing down. I slump on the edge of the bed with the box in one hand and my hot forehead in another. the salty clear liquid slithers quietly down, mixes with snot and forms a drop on the tip of my nose. I watch it fall and splatter on the parquet floor. 'how cool is that!' I think. 'why didn't it drop down as a flat sheet?! gravity is something!' I pause the drop in mid air and look at it. round on the bottom, pointy on top, transparent, holding inside the inverted empty medicine bottle. I think 'if I heat the floor the water will evaporate and form a cloud close to the ceiling above my bed, and sometimes during the night when the temperature falls maybe it will start raining. me raining on me as I'm laying face up in my bed, not sleeping, washing away the tears'. then I start associating with the parquet floor and fall into this loop of evaporation and condensation and it goes on and on. meanwhile the parquet floor is turning white. the layer of salt around my bed gets thicker and thicker and closer and closer to surface of the bed. all the clothes on the floor are buried now. it continues to rise and evenutaly covers me.
I wake up. Its dark, I'm alone and sick as a dog.
