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7.27.2004

 
catch 'what the #$&@ do we know?' if you get a chance. no, I dont want to underplay it, watch it, and then watch it again. I think a condense version should be developed and packed into a pill and taken oraly by all on this planet daily as a reminder.


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7.23.2004

 
its been 3 weeks and change since I quit work. enough time for the dissapointment to be replaced by optimisim. lots of stuff to do, some that would make me happy, some that would pay the bills, very few that meet a little bit of both. I am searching again, prioritizing, evaluating. should I stay or should I go? not necessarily to iran or spain or even to a bigger apartment, just to take stock (has it been five years?). here, there, less money, a lot more money, more work, less clutter, a new venture, longer trip,  africa or europe?


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7.20.2004

 
u ever wonder how someone gets to the extremes of certain behavior? how someone becomes anything that is considered weird by everyone else around them? when is it exactly that they cross that fine line? san francisco is full of them as I imagine any other place. people walking around talking to themselves, shouting at others, making strange faces. you think they woke up one morning and decided to freak out sporadically while walking in the street? imagine the hardship they must have gone through. the systematic torture of being in ones head for whatever reason, the loneliness, day after day, night after night, through months and years that would render and twist your mind in such a fashion in which u dont care what you do or how you behave. u no longer have the ability to connect and interact in anyway with your kind.  the indifference, lack of purpose, life force, will, belonging. how utterly lonely it must feel to stand in the street and scream while everyone walks by you pretending not to hear you. and the louder you scream the  more invisible you become! if u were in a deserted island u would know that u're alone and be ok with it, but to be among thousands of people and declare your existence as loud as you can without a single acknowledgment!!?!! if u ever see me in the street lingering either take me home and care for me or put a bullet through my head, just dont walk by.


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7.17.2004

 
whats up with all these fortune cookie posts!!
 
early morning around 10:30 the phone rang and woke me up. the voice on the other side of the line said 'sorry to bother you sir, sounds like you were sleeping, but I'm calling to let u know that we'll be delivering a free sunday paper to your house, you know to create jobs for kids delivering papers. and it is 50c a week if you decide to stay with us. what is your name and address? '
I said, 'but you'r not realy sorry, are you?'
'what do you mean sir? we are offering a free paper for your sunday?'
'what I mean is that if you were sorry you would've said goodbye and hung up after apologizing. if someone pours coffee on your shirt, a sorry doesn't realy mean anything unless he offers to pay for the dry cleaning or hospital bills. if the prime minister of england apologizes for invading a country based on faulty inteligence and doesn't step down, then it doesn't realy mean anything, does it? same with you. although you say you'r sorry but your realy not, its just a formality.
'have a nice day sir!!'
 

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7.06.2004

 
last night we finaly went to see 'day after tomorrow'. great special effects. around the time a huge wave was hitting NY my friend leaned over and said 'man!! I'm selling the SUV'. after the film I told him he better put an order for a hybrid now since there is a 3 month wait for one. he responded 'forget it, I'll just move to costa rica. wont be cold there.'

we are adaptable and we can convince ourselves of anything. which is a curse as much as it is a blessing!

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