I'm going to head bunt the next person that cheerfuly says 'see you next year!!!'

the world should stop, or pause at least!!
estimated 30 thousand people dead in an earthquake and this world keeps on turning!! no hick ups! another 17000 in 2001 in india and the same. 2 soldiers and 2 children by a road side bomb, a whole bunch of people from hunger and aids and on and on. if I didn't have tv or newspapers or internet in this deserted island I would think everywhere else is as peacfull as here. I would think everyone was living a careless life plucking coconuts off the trees and frying fish for dinner!!

this program is flawed!! dude, let me fix it for you. just takes a few lines. an exception handler that if at any point there is suffering anywhere in the world it would pause the rotation of the planet long enough for people to notice. the strippers would stop stripping, oil stop flowing, cow's stop grazing, politicians stop talking, we all pause, grab our chin and raise our heads to the sky and reflect on what just took place. this happens enough times, and it will, we will be forced to take the time and realize what it all suppose to mean within the scope of our existence and self acclaimed civilization and more importantly do something about it.

This is some goosebump!!?! It’s coming up to 72 hours!!!

I have not scoped any of these organizations so do if needs be.

www.ri.org

niac

pass on the word please.

I dont know about tomorrow but today god SUCKS!!!!!!

as I left my apartment towards a friend’s house for shabe yaldaa I noticed something different but couldn't put my finger on it. took a second to realize the block was in total darkness! my apartment had light and it was from the next block where the power outage started. I remember the days from tehran when we lost power due to air raids or lack of infrastructure and still played in the street thinking that another layer of excitement has been added to our playground. but now its different. now I think of hospitals, the elderly, men with sticky hands in clubs and why I'm not there, the traffic signals, the long traveled waiting for a special occasion caviar in my freezer. after driving through a few blocks I finaly arrived at this specific street in a busy neighborhood close to my house that is always hopping with activity and lit up like broadway, and that’s when I got this eerie feeling. the street was immersed in darkness. no lights from the shops or restaurants along the street, no trains or bus's, no cars, nothing. literally a ghost town. like somehow after I turned right on the last corner I stumbled upon this strange land that doesn't know the concept of electricity and never has. what was more absorbing was the street looked natural in that state. as if I step out of the car and ask someone what has happened, he would first look at the strange object I just climbed out of, lower his club, raise his torch to my face and respond 'what do you mean? what is light?'

we might be through with the past but the past is not through with us (ref. magnolia)

I was going through my address book on my yahoo account trying to locate a friends email and at the same time clean up and remove duplicates and old email addresses and such. I came across the email of my friend heinz. I met heinz and his girlfriend elisabeth during a 2 week safari in africa 2 years ago and had kept in touch with them since then. heinz was in his sixties with a shaved head and a first impression that said 'I'm planning to overthrow the government of zimbabwe'. good man, wise, kind, humble. he had been around the world a few times, to iran twice. he collected soil or sand wherever he visited, same as me. he knew of khayaam and haafez and mossadegh and ... in all we hit it off pretty well. I remember one night around the campfire when everyone was drunk on the local beer and telling jokes, I presented my elephant joke as the time and place couldn't have been any more right. it goes 'so as the hunter slowly approaches a group of elephants, the elephants see him and run to the nearest tree, climb up and start singing: 'dont kill us we are cherries, dont kill us we are cherries'. this of course is the stupidest joke ever made and is completely visual and meant to be that. everyone stared at me with a blank look on their face as I waved my hands in the air and sang around the campfire except heinz that was holding his stomach and laughing his head off. He wrote me a few times regarding the lack of cherry trees in austria or too many elephants and not enough hunters...
heinz was diagnosed with cancer more than a year ago and after getting sick in January his condition deteriorated and he passed away a month later.

so what do we keep and what do we throw away? smudged phone number of a girlfriend 15 years ago written on a napkin, email of a friend that had drift away, matchbook from a small restaurant in spain. I have boxes and boxes of stuff that look like junk to anyone else, 'cheghadr aashghaal jam mikony? beriz doorrr'. but every single one is reminder of a person or a moment. pointers to clips of memory somewhere in my head. heinz's email is no different.

$650 and a beautiful heart shaped butt.

its not what you think.
although swamped at work I decided to step out from under the shadows of the fluorescent lights and take a real lunch break. went to one of the local coffee shop/restaurants after running a few errands and sat inside the french glass doors soaking up the sun. and there she was, sitting with an older gentleman at a round wooden table that you can find in any cheap coffee shop covered with papers and a calculator they kept passing back and forth. I was sitting to her left so this is the side view: she was leaning on the table with her forearms, left over right, head held high and her butt all the way at the back of the chair. with the table being somewhat away from the chair her back was at an angle and curved inward going up from her lower to her upper back. her posture had weighted down on her butt and consequently slightly squeezed them out to the sides from under her just enough to form the top curves of a firmly shaped young heart. enough to hold but not enough to hold on to! the shape was even more emphasized with her arched back. if I tipped her upside down she'll be a heart tree! all I could think was wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful,... it was the crooked smile of mona Lisa, the bend of beckam's shot, the curve of a mountain road, the distorted crest of the moon in a hot humid tropical night.
as I'm comparing this image to anything marble she catches me and I quickly look away only to find her still looking once I turn back. she didn't look too mad!!!
after I went through multiple shades of red I grabbed a book (The Prize) out of my bag with full intention of concentrating on something else. I opened the book to the placeholder but instead of the bookmark found 6 $100 dollar bills and 1 $50 dollar bill! all crisp, all new, right there! no idea where they came from!! !?
as soon as I'm done with this I'll type up my resignation and bid everyone farewell. me and my book are going on a world tour. I just hope it doesn't dispense tomans in iran or I'll go blind just to make 'ends' meet!!

this is probably the saddest thing you'll hear, at least today. there is a busy neighborhood close to my house that I frequent to get food, or rent videos or pick up the necessary odds and ends from the stores and many restaurants lining the street. within this neighborhood there is a homeless man that I've seen almost every time I've been there. he usually sits on different corners and on occasion that I'm there for food I sometimes get two of whatever I'm getting and drop one off for him. this man is blind.
today I dropped in again to pick up some soup from the italian restaurant, felt like an italian day. he was sitting in front of the restaurant. he always yells at who ever goes by simply because he can't see them and doesn't know how far people are. I saw him once toss something that hit someone and got a dirty look for it, the victim not being aware of his physical condition.
the plan was to order the food (to go), and while it was being prepared drop into the video store for a film. in the way back I stopped at the burger place and got him a cheeseburger. no reason for him to have soup because I had a sore throat! this place had a buffet sort of arrangement where you can put on all the fixings you want. the big lettuce leafs were fresh and crisp. red tomatoes looked ripe. I put a few leafs and a few slices of tomatoes on the bun and some ketchup on the burger. it was good to go. looked really good too. wouldn't have mind having one myself but the sore throat is still bugging the jitters out of me. dropped off the burger and a drink as I was going back in to the restaurant to pick up my food.
'you want some lunch man?' is my usual opener.
he thanked me and I said you welcome and walked to the restaurant. he said thanks again but he didn't know where I was so he sort of said it in no particular direction. my food was not ready so I had to wait around for a little while. I leaned against the wall about 10 feet away and could still see him. he at first put the package on the ground. I wanted to walk up to him and tell him to eat it while it's hot, but didn't seem right. after a few minutes, he opened the styrofoam box and started feeling his way inside. I could see his fingers fumble with the bun and the lettuce. he then grabbed the bun and put it aside. he put the first lettuce leaf in his mouth and started chewing it only to spit out after a few seconds which seemed odd. he did the same with the other leafs and the slices of tomato. he would chew each for a few seconds and then spit the remains into a plastic bag. I couldn't understand why?? why didn't he eat the whole burger at once? why didn't he eat the lettuce? it was at this moment that I realized his sunken lips hinted to the fact that he had no teeth!! he could not shred the lettuce or tomato to small enough pieces to swallow!! being hungry and having food in front of you but not being able to eat it!?! fucking hell!!!!
standing there this realization hit me so hard that a fucking tear welled up in my eye.
after the veggies were gone he put the bun back on the burger. the meat and the buns were manageable with a few bites.

one of these rainy nights as I'm merging into the rightmost lane of a busy highway at 50mph, the driver in the lane is going to break exactly at the same time as me and speed up exactly at the same time as me and break exactly at the same time as me exhausting the few seconds I have to merge until our side view mirrors become a centimeter apart, and at the same moment the 34th camel in a caravan stretching a few kilometeres near the town of timbuktu is going to stop, kneel, lay down and rest his head on the sand never to get up.

I have layers of lamb wool on my skin
but cant get rid of the chill in my bones
shiver moves down my back vibrating every cel
my fingers are slugish on the keyboard
my muscles shake
my feet have been left out by the short blanket
the breath I take is as cold as a woman done wrong
the thought of the sun doesn't do me any good
the touch of a friend doesn't do me any good
I would cast my body into hell if I thought it would warm me
its the frost that originates from within and can't be distinguished.
to know warmth again
it is only for me to turn the frost into flame!!
but if you know please tell me
what is the remedy?
I hear a heavenly voice echo
'stop whining, just take two aspirins and call me in the morning'

been fighting a flu for the last few days. got up yesterday from an afternoon nap with my mouth dry and body temperature higher than usual. walked over to the frig and scanned the contents. nothing but boxes and boxes of gaz and bottles of torshi. no fruit, no fruit juice, not even cold soda pops. you know when u want something so bad u can taste it? that’s how a nice cold drink would’ve been like. just as I was about to give up I saw the top of an anaar (pomegranate) sticking up from behind one of the boxes. it was from a purchase last weekend at the farmers market, and it was cooooooooold.
I started to mesh it up. with every squeeze of my thumb I could hear the seeds snap crackle and pop. in a few minutes the fruit was soft as a sponge ball. I made the first opening in the skin with a single small bite. it was like letting the air out of a balloon with a pin without it exploding.
an image of a vampire came to my mind. how they hold their victims tightly, their eyes roll over and are overcome with pleasure as they sink their teeth in the smooth silky neck and drain the blood while gasping for air in between gulps. it was that good.

I was sunk deep in my leather chair watching tv. what program, I don't remember. the door to my apartment was open and in walked kaanji the neighbor's cat. he is black and white and has gotten pretty fat off the local population of mice. san francisco is full of them. my animal lover neighbor put a bell on his collar but he still manages to score a few per day.
I stopped surfing.
"kaanji, get out" I said.
He gazed at me with a look of desperation.
"GET OUT!!" I repeated.
he turned his head, sat down in front of the tv and watched the pictures go by.
"what the hell are you doing kaanji?"
he turned around "I'm bored!!" he said.
"why are you bored?"
"don't know what to do. I walk into a room but don't remember what I was doing before I got there and why I went into that room to begin with. I eat out of a bowl set aside for me in the kitchen. don't know how it happens but its always half way full. I drink out of another bowl next to it. same thing with this bowl. I shit in a box. don't know why, but I always go to the same place. I used to have this urge to hang out with other cats, but I don't remember for what purpose or why. its the same thing every day over and over."
"I can see why you are bored"
"what are you doing?"
"I'm watching tv"
"whats a tv?"
"that box over there with images"
"why?"
"don't know. boredom I guess!?"
"do u also eat out of a magic bowl?"
"no".
"no magic bowl? how do u eat?"
"I have to work."
"what's that?"
"I have to produce, make something."
"how?"
"I have to use my skills, my imagination"
"whats imagination?"
"I don't know!! we can sort of create things in our heads. and then make them functional or beautiful"
"wow. sounds great. u just think it and it happens?"
"well no. have to manually do it."
"is it only for work?"
"no. it could also be personally stimulating and satisfying"
"what does that mean?"
"FORGET IT KAANJI. I do shit at the same place every time if it makes you feel better."
"not really"
we watched a tidy bowl commercial in silence.
"can u leave this place?"
"yes"
"how far can u go?"
"as far as I want"
"can u go anytime you want?"
"YES"
"hhmmmm!!?!?!" he said forming a question mark with his tail.
"where is your master?"
"I dont have a master. but I have people in my life."
"what is that?"
"what? people? like me and your master."
"do they take care of you all the time?"
"sort of. we sort of take care of each other. its complicated."
"where are they?"
"I don't know. at their homes."
"probably watching tv!!!!" he said as he shrugged again.
I changed the channel to the news. he got up and started pacing around the room, sniffed around the tv stand, walked by me and got a little pat down, passed under the couch, rubbed himself against the coffee table and eventually made his way to the door. before leaving he turned around and said "something to do".
why am I expecting a cat to make sense? whatever!!
wasn't long that I detected an odor and looked under the couch. a big pile was waiting for my able imaginative hands.