tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56549802011-04-21T14:20:57.800-07:00with everything being equal, ....how can I describe the undescribable?
part f act part f iction!ffnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1341100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1145252464189136442006-04-16T22:40:00.000-07:002006-04-16T22:49:18.590-07:00well now.. its 10:38 pm. and thats pretty much all that comes to mind!!!ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1137696406643188672006-01-19T10:46:00.000-08:002006-01-19T10:46:46.653-08:00my brain is floating in dopamine.ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1135976813570007162005-12-30T12:58:00.000-08:002005-12-30T13:11:17.926-08:00its a strange feeling. the more u want something, and the more you realize everything is within reach, the more u feel everything. EVERYTHING. anxiety is more intense, laughing is louder, conversations seem more important, people seem more important, music is more penetrating, dancing is less restricted, food tastes better, moments stretch out longer... baaboom baaboom, baaboom baaboom... let it ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1135458007875503422005-12-24T12:59:00.000-08:002005-12-30T13:11:33.200-08:00my hands are shaking...http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20051224/lf_afp/afplifestyleusbushtoys;_ylt=Ag_kaOsDcrwHiUQ4cWGDZQWs0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTA3ODdxdHBhBHNlYwM5NjQ-ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1135120823178605312005-12-20T14:42:00.000-08:002005-12-20T15:23:59.803-08:00and i stir. with anxiety, anticipation, fear, excitment, this hollow feeling of not being able to share all this with someone special, catching glimpse of the failure and the success in the future but not fully seeing it. it all stirs like a bowl of soup slowly simmering and evaporating away inside. is the world realy the way I see it? or is it something else all together!? I have never been so ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1133935390043739632005-12-06T21:51:00.000-08:002005-12-06T22:03:10.053-08:00the ocean shipment is not getting here til after xmas so had to fly out to hong kong and bring some of the toys back. with sweaty palms i get off the plane this morning with 12 boxes in tow not knowing what would happen at customs. an iranian passport holder, with a green card, importing toys mocking the u.s. president??!?! forget about it. through in 3 minutes. they didn't open a single box. we ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1132206679475712342005-11-16T20:48:00.000-08:002005-11-16T22:47:40.873-08:00past year in fast forward (I'll cut out the dramatics. Just the Facts FF)january: got so sick of talking about the great ideas we have that decided to put my money were my mouth is!! see chand marde halaajam, walk the walk, talk the talk, step up to the plate, roll the dice was it?feburary: took the craziest idea i had, toys, and started developing the idea while starting a new job.may: 3 months ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1114202329626538512005-04-22T13:16:00.000-07:002005-04-22T13:41:29.403-07:00this thing is still here?lets see, it was Mani's birthday last thursday 4/14. Happy birthday man(i). you still d man. today I heard a program regarding paper/plastic at the grocery store and the choice was 'neither'. I made that choice a few months back. to be honest I was just sick and tired of all the plastic bags at home that I didn't know what to do with. they give a plastic bag for even one ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1105906608987619672005-01-16T13:16:00.000-08:002005-01-16T12:20:54.780-08:00this is cool.
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1104658431382283812005-01-02T01:25:00.000-08:002005-01-02T01:33:51.383-08:00This other day a friend showed me her broken cel phone screen asking me what I thought the pattern formed by the liquid gel looked like? Without thinking I immediately said a feather. I think she said it resembled a leaf. You get the picture. If it were after my little body surfing mishap in Africa I probably would've said a surfboard.
I was walking towards the stables from the main house to ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1104480984941713342004-12-31T01:10:00.000-08:002004-12-31T00:17:15.280-08:0014000, 18000, 25000, 32000, 56000, 84000, 100000, 118000?!?!?!?!?! what the fuck is that? number of match sticks? socks? sand pebbles? cd's? apples? what is that!?!!?!!!!
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1104401120258787222004-12-30T02:03:00.000-08:002004-12-30T02:05:20.256-08:00pics from the trip
http://www.iranian.com/PhotoDay/2004/December/i1.html
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1101704185815158672004-11-28T20:55:00.000-08:002004-12-06T18:21:29.963-08:00catching up:
sept 4/04
First time had a chance to sit and write something. Thoughts dont require staying still but recording them does; it has more staying power if it's mulled over. Athens is getting further and further away as the ferry sails towards the island of Paros; one of many in the series that constitute the greek islands. its been an interesting week. 12 days ago completely ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1095720436573400682004-09-20T15:25:00.000-07:002004-09-20T15:47:16.573-07:00here I am again after 2.5 years. there was some debate about that: 'so I went to the first floor and they put a shot in front of me, then I went to farzaneh's house on the second floor and she put a shot in front of me, by the time I got to the fourth floor I was drunk as a fish'. my daaee: 'no, no, that couldn't be right. they all moved to their new building 2 years ago. must have been more thanffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1095019751198137392004-09-12T13:03:00.000-07:002004-09-12T13:09:11.196-07:00man its been a while. it has not been a lack of inspiration or things to say, infact new thoughts have been around every corner; just lack of time. guess at some point we must stop and take time to record and re-live our experiences. not at 3 euros for 1/2 hour though.
tonite I sleep in delphi awating tomorrow to meet the oracle.ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1092255854759608702004-08-11T13:21:00.000-07:002004-08-11T13:24:14.760-07:00finally some down time relaxing, thumbing through the latest issue of national geographic. everyone in the place was doing something. most were reading, a few writing. one guy was not doing anything, not anything at all. he just sat there with sunglasses looking forward. it seemed kind of odd, out of place, it shouldn't have, it was a nice sunny day above java beach. and it should be perfectly ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1091826756454464632004-08-06T14:04:00.000-07:002004-08-06T14:12:36.453-07:00a lot of thoughts going through my head but dont quite seem to be able to put them in words. time goes on. its august the fucking 6th. I haven't even started with summer and I'm getting catalogues urging me to prepare for fall! had a friend and his girlfriend visiting from italy and had to show them around a few days. what is it about the glitter in america? the sofisticated italians with their ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1090919989061896762004-07-27T02:00:00.000-07:002004-07-27T02:19:49.060-07:00catch 'what the #$&@ do we know?' if you get a chance. no, I dont want to underplay it, watch it, and then watch it again. I think a condense version should be developed and packed into a pill and taken oraly by all on this planet daily as a reminder.
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1090619110461918542004-07-23T14:21:00.000-07:002004-07-23T14:45:10.460-07:00its been 3 weeks and change since I quit work. enough time for the dissapointment to be replaced by optimisim. lots of stuff to do, some that would make me happy, some that would pay the bills, very few that meet a little bit of both. I am searching again, prioritizing, evaluating. should I stay or should I go? not necessarily to iran or spain or even to a bigger apartment, just to take stock (ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1090385778626157552004-07-20T21:18:00.000-07:002004-07-20T21:56:18.626-07:00u ever wonder how someone gets to the extremes of certain behavior? how someone becomes anything that is considered weird by everyone else around them? when is it exactly that they cross that fine line? san francisco is full of them as I imagine any other place. people walking around talking to themselves, shouting at others, making strange faces. you think they woke up one morning and decided toffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1090099908292544392004-07-17T14:15:00.000-07:002004-07-17T14:31:48.293-07:00whats up with all these fortune cookie posts!!
early morning around 10:30 the phone rang and woke me up. the voice on the other side of the line said 'sorry to bother you sir, sounds like you were sleeping, but I'm calling to let u know that we'll be delivering a free sunday paper to your house, you know to create jobs for kids delivering papers. and it is 50c a week if you decide to stay with ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1089157001117011302004-07-06T16:21:00.000-07:002004-07-06T16:36:41.116-07:00last night we finaly went to see 'day after tomorrow'. great special effects. around the time a huge wave was hitting NY my friend leaned over and said 'man!! I'm selling the SUV'. after the film I told him he better put an order for a hybrid now since there is a 3 month wait for one. he responded 'forget it, I'll just move to costa rica. wont be cold there.'
we are adaptable and we can ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1088644069042538192004-06-30T17:46:00.000-07:002004-06-30T18:09:18.290-07:00I'm laying back in bed considering all that is going on in my life, it occurs to me that we can't have real feelings anymore; they all have been stereotyped!
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1088449419365875922004-06-28T12:00:00.000-07:002004-06-28T12:05:05.506-07:00as one door slams shut
another swings wide open
guess the trick is to never stop knocking!!
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1086723100793213302004-06-08T12:17:00.000-07:002004-06-08T15:10:58.863-07:00I woke up to this horrible nightmare. It's dark, I'm alone and sick as a dog. I'm in a
small apartment with crapy furniture. Its quite except for the refrigerator humming in the background. There is no one around, no one. I think of my family and realize they are across two continents and an ocean. I think 'fuck this, I'm going back to bed'. I grab the nasal decongestion spray out of the ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1085766770595943392004-05-28T10:19:00.000-07:002004-05-28T10:52:50.596-07:00There was a naughty boy,
and a naughty boy was he,
he ran away to kalamazoo
the people for to see -
Then he found
that the ground
was as hard,
that a yard
was as long,
that a song
was as merry,
that a cherry
was as red,
that lead
was as weighty,
that fourscore
was as eighty,
that a door
was as wooden
as in tehran -
So he stood in his shoes
and he wondered,
he wondered,
He stood in his shoes
and ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1085435419015392702004-05-24T10:30:00.000-07:002004-05-24T17:40:48.750-07:00I found myself on a patch of grass in the park on sunday afternoon. next to me a vintage copy of national geographic I got my hands on recently, but it was just sitting there, didn't feel like reading.
two kids were throwing a baseball back and forth; one was clearly better than the other one. their dad's later started playing with them, one dad was clearly better than the other one. after a ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1085126678505250972004-05-21T00:53:00.000-07:002004-05-21T11:59:49.470-07:00me: I am here.
u: but how do u know that?
me: because I'm here.
u: yes, but how do u know that?
me: because! I am here.
u: u think your here?
me: no, I know I'm here!
u: ok. but how?
me: I'll tell u: cuz I'm here.
u: ok fine, but how do you know your here?
me: I told you. because I am here.
u: then am I here?
me: sure you are!
u: how do u know that?
me: because you are.
u: close your eyesffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1084918987226711252004-05-18T14:44:00.000-07:002004-05-18T15:23:07.226-07:00forget the whales and the rain forests. forget about dependency on fossil fuels, teenage pregnancy, national health insurance, education, global warming, life on mars, special interest politics, genetic babies, civil rights, hunger in africa, obesity in america, AIDS, peace in middle east and nuclear proliferation in far east.
lets unite and bring back afternoon naps!!
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1084567227138749222004-05-14T13:34:00.000-07:002004-05-14T13:40:27.136-07:00stop and stare
straight ahead
hold your breath
dont blink
swallow
feel the rush of blood
look within
believe what u see
u have to
wrap your mind around this
this is not where!
there is not how!
when is not to be!
why?
cuz its there
in front of u
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1084300645836317182004-05-11T10:52:00.000-07:002004-05-11T12:12:19.170-07:00I'm just tired. My capacity to attention has dipped to a record low. I sometimes think I care less, considering the direct relationship between caring and dissapointment, and its not just work!! but I think I'm just tired. its not even good tired. like if I stayed up all night and finished a paper I'm satisified with, or build a boat with my bare hands!! its empty tired. its drained tired. its ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1083888696100209892004-05-06T17:11:00.000-07:002004-05-06T17:20:01.263-07:00she is 5'2. if ever all the species of penguins on this planet were wiped out by a new trend in tuxedo design for kids, the science industry would be able to take a sample dna from this woman and revive the specie. on the second thought maybe they shouldn't or they'll destroy the world!! attack of the killer penguins!!
Its not that I have anything against short people, on the contrary some of myffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1083706136198106262004-05-04T14:28:00.000-07:002004-05-04T16:48:36.810-07:00'whats love, whats love got to do with it?'
god bless her insured legs but I dont know why this bit has been spinning in my head lately? I haven't woken up to it and as far as I remember didn't read it anywhere or hear it... It probably has nothing to do with anything that I am concerned with right now, or does it? where does that thread that connects the conscious to the subconscious start and ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1083642659551787832004-05-03T20:50:00.000-07:002004-05-03T20:54:36.216-07:00mordam az bast nafase amigh keshidam!!!
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1083189961330671802004-04-28T15:06:00.000-07:002004-04-28T16:34:47.186-07:00I'm squinting my eyes and staring future straight in the face, and the fucker is staring right back at me!!
and while I dilate my pupils and grind my teeth and paint my war face on, in the back of my head I'm thinking of the two choices I have. one to bow down and give in once more and take the easy and safe route out and sleep walk through another 5 years waiting til tomorrow to see what happensffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1082740295496327002004-04-23T10:11:00.000-07:002004-04-23T12:14:33.403-07:00manam mikhaam!!! :(
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1082483549073997182004-04-20T10:52:00.000-07:002004-04-20T11:05:45.593-07:00amazing how we sometimes feel the same regardless of our place on this planet!!
how can we ever think we are alone?!?!?
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1082150758244826102004-04-16T14:25:00.000-07:002004-04-18T12:15:15.310-07:00in this freaking country you can even do your taxes drive through....
it was 11:35 pm when I got done filing out the forms and a check to uncle sam, that would probably finance the war for a few seconds longer, and had 25 minutes to drive cross town to the only post office open late specifically for tax day. beat and tired with eyes half way open I zoomed by cars and taxi's, they hate that, up ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1081819613843097792004-04-12T18:26:00.000-07:002004-04-12T18:32:59.076-07:00after a tranquil weekend away in the woods it took me 2 seconds to step back into reality. here's an exchange in good spirit over lunch at the office :
co worker 1: did u decide on the 3 series?
co worker 2: no. I dont like the dash design.
c w 1: why dont you get the 5 series?
c w 2: I just need a commute car!! 5 series is too expensive.
me: why dont you get a tdi? (vw diesel engine, low gas ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1081317482538610972004-04-06T22:58:00.000-07:002004-04-06T23:02:21.186-07:00working hard...
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1080839765253251192004-04-01T09:16:00.000-08:002004-04-01T09:38:12.856-08:00we have to accept that sometimes the people that should care about us the most simply dont give a shit!
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1080507659604504952004-03-28T13:00:00.000-08:002004-03-28T13:04:10.340-08:00the trip to the corner coffee shop to get an ice coffee and bagle and sit in the narrow strip of land covered with flowers while I catch up on national geographic before I start my sunday cleaning ritual:
as i walked through the trail saw a homeless guy sitting on one of the benches writing on a piece of cardboard with a red marker:
Homeless
American
Plea
he was frozen at this point.
a ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1080200398669775502004-03-24T23:39:00.000-08:002004-03-24T23:45:26.950-08:00its realy funny when your tired and catch yourself off balance. I got home and realized that I brought the network cable home instead of the power chord. think about that. I unplugged the cable from the back of my laptop, then from the hub, rolled it and put it in my bag without missing a beat!!
also driving home I pressed the button to roll down the window but as it was coming down freaked out ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1080001953065788412004-03-22T16:32:00.000-08:002004-03-22T16:35:18.060-08:00while I was sleeping...........ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1079731298241134852004-03-19T13:21:00.000-08:002004-03-19T13:41:29.733-08:00next time you walk in a seedy part of town with garbage all over the place and track marks across the sidewalk close your eyes and imagine yourself in a lush garden standing under a jasmin tree in full bloom. take a deep breath.
a happy happy eid to you and your loved ones.
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1079581568390331882004-03-17T19:46:00.000-08:002004-03-17T19:49:08.640-08:00so as it went a typical persian gathering. the first person I ran into was what's her name. we went out for dinner once and I think we had a good time, she laughed so much her mascara was running down her face, I called her the day after and a few days after that with no response!
after doing a double take: 'hiiiiiiiiiiiii'
one of those stretched out 'hiiii's that starts on a high pitch and ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1079422775676515682004-03-15T23:39:00.000-08:002004-03-15T23:49:11.293-08:00a friend of mine gave me a coldplay cd long time ago but I never played it til a few nights ago. one song had a strong resemblance to one of my verraajies. we even repeat something about the eyes three times. weird!!!! their's rhymes better, but I have to say mine is much better!!
coldplay's:
Look at earth from outer space
Everyone must find a place
Give me time and give me space
Give me real,ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1079219555080688062004-03-13T15:12:00.000-08:002004-03-13T15:53:15.263-08:00rambling of an idle mind:
flow. it doesn't flow! stuff gets stuck in my head, in mid senstence, see?! I can't make a sentence longer that 10 words. what gives? fuck!! I must have typed and deleted one line twenty times. maybe I should take a nap?! the medication cant be without effect! I'll take a nap. but I have laundry to do, promises to keep, goals to achieve, toilet to clean. but right after ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1079120171873796782004-03-11T11:35:00.000-08:002004-03-12T11:38:29.810-08:00next time you walk by a jasmine tree in full bloom close your eyes and imagine yourself in a dark alley with garbage all over the place. now tell me u dont smell urine!!
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1078979411955024462004-03-10T20:30:00.000-08:002004-03-10T20:32:28.340-08:00I'll give u a boost
boost of anything u want
I'll excite u
I'll scare u
I'll ignore u
I'll smile and tell you how beautiful you are
I'll frown and tell you how fat you are
I'll pick you up
carry you to the moon
to neptune
to the morning star
then drop you like a feather in vacuum,
I promise I wont support you
I promise I wont nourish you,
I'll handle you with a glove so your thorns wont prick meffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1078883420677266982004-03-09T17:50:00.000-08:002004-03-09T17:52:35.653-08:00within a structure I call home
there exists an empty corner
no portrait hangs from the walls
no dust ball lingers on the ground
a beam of light escapes through the window
bounces off the mirror
but creates no shadow
no history exists in this corner
its been wiped clean with a rag soaked in pain.
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1078525869654640152004-03-05T14:31:00.000-08:002004-03-05T15:59:00.530-08:00renew, rebirth, spring, call it whatever you want.
its been a busy week. a lot of shit at work and may I add thanks to my stupid bravery our office might remain intact with all employees still employed, for time being. Its a good feeling. I've also had some surgery done which like any other out of ordinary thing has shifted some stuff in my head, for time being. as I sat in the recovery room ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-107824871457402862004-03-02T09:31:00.000-08:002004-03-02T09:34:21.733-08:00as for birthdays go it was a pretty crapy one!!
hope the year turns out better...ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1078166323362435702004-03-01T10:38:00.000-08:002004-03-01T22:56:12.623-08:00leather pollini boots polished to a still muddy water shine
pressed gray cotton pants, right length, perfectly aligned
black leather belt with a silver clasp, dead center
sky blue shirt, ironed
close shave
a few more wrinkles across the forehead
the hair line a little further back
but the eyes
they remain the same
same glow reflecting the same image
image of a boy standing among the giants
a boyffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1077919578711533052004-02-27T14:06:00.000-08:002004-02-27T14:12:49.983-08:00its like standing in the rain for 10 minutes with your head tilted back
its like being in a crappy mood and taking a 1/2 hour nap
its like a good shave after a week
its like getting an email from an old dear friend u haven't spoken to in ages.
its like taking off a tight restricting sweater you had to wear all day
its like having a pee after beeing stock in the car for 8 hours
its like leaving ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1077525509382798932004-02-23T00:38:00.000-08:002004-02-24T00:00:58.436-08:00I can’t really say I've endured extreme pain in my lifetime. Haven’t lost a limb in a war or my dear wife in a car crash! I've gone through the pains of an average life moving from one stage of life to the next: embarrassment of peeing in my pants in kindergarten, getting beat up by the local thug, losing friends, family remembers passing on, failures academically, professionally, personally and ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1077243724650493832004-02-19T18:22:00.000-08:002004-02-19T18:24:24.110-08:00I've come to know people as two types. one group that make their own life and another that deal with the life they are given. neither are simple and straight forward and neither can be considered as good or bad. some are completely happy with one and not content with the other. some dont have any other choice. the opportunities are simply not there, or if they are, its extrememly difficult to getffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1077089545768149362004-02-17T23:32:00.000-08:002004-02-17T23:43:54.310-08:00know then yourself, presume not God to scan
the proper study of mankind is man.
placed on this strip of land of a middle state
a being darkly wise and rudely great,
with too much knowledge for the sceptic side
with too much weakness for the stoic's pride,
he hangs between; in doubt to act or rest
in doubt to deem himself God or beast,
in doubt his mind or body to prefer
born but to die, and ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1076700901869697852004-02-13T11:35:00.000-08:002004-02-13T15:54:28.043-08:00so what of that?
how is it that we look at past, present and future as stand alone entities not related to each other? specifcaly when looking at our own lives. one of our greatest limitations has been the invention of the spoken word. in order to communicate we had to come up with a method of communication and yet the word's we choose pigeon hole or restrict what they are suppose to mean.
why ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1076641073132956422004-02-12T18:57:00.000-08:002004-02-13T11:03:03.263-08:00past is not dead, its not even the past.
somebody.
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1076556167656516312004-02-11T19:22:00.000-08:002004-02-11T19:24:36.153-08:00I'm getting used to it!!!!!!!!! Its becoming numbers, 1, 5, 23, 50.
there was a report of a bombing today with 47 immediate deaths. there was another one yesterday with 50 immediate deaths. but sometimes I dont know if its the same news from yesterday that is repeated because of its horrific number or its a new one? in this case the only thing distinguished it as being different was the number offfnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1076465751094176362004-02-10T18:15:00.000-08:002004-02-10T18:22:41.233-08:009:15 am: breakfast
1. single latte and a blueberry muffin please.
2. with sugar or diet?
1. with sugar
2. how u doing?
1. very good. I called in sick.
2. all my corporate friends called in sick yesterday.
1. I know. its so nice.
2. its suppose to be nicer tomorrow.
1. damn. took the wrong day to get sick.
2. I can see it in your face. u dont look good.
1. I feel a temperature also.
2. sorry haveffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1076383018225401802004-02-09T19:16:00.000-08:002004-02-09T20:42:26.530-08:00my lack of motivation at work is boring me to death. mostly due to office politics and incompetence of people around me and back stabbings and .... it's boring. anyway. started reading my blog for the past few days and couldn't help noticing how different the posts are from another. they’re all over the place. one talks about loneliness and the other about god and anger and frustration. the ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1076095222332777042004-02-06T11:20:00.000-08:002004-02-06T11:24:41.340-08:00he says:
'ok!! I'm here now. make it quick, I'm busy. what do you want? you want me to stop all the suffering in the world? you want me to empower all humans to meet their full potential? you want me to give you enough resources to live a happy, healthy life? you want me to tell you the meaning of life? what do u want?' I was sitting in the dentist’s chair numb on novocain!!
so I leaped out of ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1076009123491613672004-02-05T11:25:00.000-08:002004-02-05T17:05:09.263-08:00email is just a thing, like a blank sheet of paper or tv or book or magazine or this blog. it means nothing, it feels nothing. it cares not what you put into it or how you read it. doesn't care what happens once its job is done or what it should do afterwards. It could deliver the weight and height of your sisters new born or the death of a friend. To it, it makes no difference.
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1075876596221134042004-02-03T22:36:00.000-08:002004-02-05T11:27:55.060-08:00funny thing about time
it makes you forget the people you want to forget,
it also makes you forget the ones you dont.
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1075780929922143222004-02-02T20:02:00.000-08:002004-02-02T20:03:49.576-08:00I'm tired
I'm hungry
I have a headache
my eyes are burning
I'm worried
my hands are shaking from too much coffee
I have twenty different things on my mind
I cant concentrate
my speech is broken
I smell
and never felt more alive...ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1075664795171229152004-02-01T11:46:00.000-08:002004-02-01T13:14:27.890-08:00received this from a friend that traveled to iran for a break before the earth quake and volutneered for help once it happened. she want me to share it:
Chetori agha,
I got back from Bam yesterday. Everything you mentioned is true and some more. I can't even begin to tell you of the total and extent of destruction...it's is exactly las if a bomb has hit the area. All you see is miles and milesffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1075590067324725742004-01-31T15:01:00.000-08:002004-01-31T15:03:47.216-08:00have u ever layed on the hood of your car by the beach with the sun on your left and tracked with your right eye againts the clear blue sky a single engine white airplane with red stripes traveling south until it slowly dissapears over your nose?
neither have I..
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1075491455458162332004-01-30T11:37:00.000-08:002004-01-30T11:39:11.420-08:00I love tea
but I'm a better man on coffeeffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1075407762738190432004-01-29T12:22:00.000-08:002004-01-29T20:08:57.043-08:00this morning:
the alarm on my cel phone went off at 8:30 (boss is away and I stayed up watching enter the dragon), I turned it off and went back to sleep.
hovering between the two worlds of fantasy and bills I realized I have to get up.
I rose from waist up and sat up straight.
after a moments pause to remember my place in the world, I grabbed the two lower corners of the sheet/blanket ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1075256825759213422004-01-27T18:27:00.000-08:002004-01-27T18:28:39.123-08:00its been 4 days since my last confession..
I lied, many many times, mostly white(no animal was harmed during the process).
I gave pork products to some muslim and told them it was beef, white lie again.
I watched a movie, which I've seen before, when I had plenty of work to do.
I lied to my mother, not so white.
I did nothing on a saturday morning, not even rest and relax.
I failed to return ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1074908997466168032004-01-23T17:49:00.000-08:002004-01-24T12:33:44.013-08:00my head was warm
the room was spinning
I took the glass out of my neighbors hand
tiped it over a bucket of sand
filled it with my breath
stired it with a fallen middle finger on the dusty ground
and passed it on to the lead man.
I heard a cowardly voice yell
'STICK TO ACTING'
I looked back and saw the punk take off
I yelled back
hey man
dont be a chicken
where u going so zood?
have the courage ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1074812394575535932004-01-22T14:59:00.000-08:002004-01-27T18:38:55.950-08:00I reached out and yelled:
'khaanoome sang
gole yakh o bede
to sangy
nothing grows in you!'
when I touched the gole yakh
she started to cry
I dont know why!
was it the warmth of my hand?
did it bring back sad memories of distant unfulfilled dreams?
or the joy that spring brings?
the tears dropped
one by one
they joined the stream
the stream flowed to the river
the river poured in the ocean
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1074709556898312382004-01-21T10:25:00.000-08:002004-01-27T18:37:07.796-08:00the gole yakh wished for better days
for blue skies and morning rays
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1074643288717649502004-01-20T16:01:00.000-08:002004-01-27T18:39:52.420-08:00and khaanoome sang held in her hands the gole yakh...
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1074385063513951722004-01-17T16:17:00.000-08:002004-01-17T16:19:06.936-08:00salt lake city airport.
sharon stone walking towards boarding gates:
mrs. stone, heading back to san francisco?
yes. how was the weather?
12 degrees, 3 feet of snow..
ha ha..ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1074306208306085352004-01-16T18:23:00.000-08:002004-01-16T18:24:50.780-08:00lightning bolt or electricity?
rollercoaster or marry go round?
wine or beer?
waterfall or lake?
warm nights by the ocean or cold nights by the fireplace?
fame or fortune?
funny or intense?
looks or personality?
big and costly or small and managable?
arrogance or confidence?
sales or technical?
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1074104465058331492004-01-14T10:21:00.000-08:002004-01-14T10:36:48.123-08:00nilgoon's pic is stuck in my head. I can't say exactly what I felt but remember as I sat there thursday night around 11 pm looking at the monitor with news from 2 minutes ago of an earthquake in iran with possibilities of thousand's dead and close to complete destruction of the city, and with goosbumps going up and down my back, I looked desperately around my dimly lit apartment and the only ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1073845937678273422004-01-11T10:32:00.000-08:002004-01-11T11:20:29.340-08:00I got nothing to say. nothing I want you to hear or read or feel at least. I know regardless of how I say it, regardless of how vividly I describe it or eloquently present it you will only feel or understand it with as much importance to you as the fly in the stomach of the pigeon that shit on my car this morning. That’s just the way it is. Comparing, it will move you that much and thats not ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1073427792590627842004-01-06T14:23:00.000-08:002004-01-08T12:47:33.310-08:00just as I got to the part in an article of how a british peace activist was shot in the head a co-worker casually walked up complaining about a headache!! so I wrestled him to the ground, sat on his chest and started punching him repeatedly in the face screaming 'YEAH?! YOU HAVE A HEADACHE?!? THAT FUCKING GUY GOT A BULLET IN HIS HEAD. WHATS YOUR PROBLEM? TOO MUCH DRINKING LAST NIGHT!!?! YOU ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1073284138452304152004-01-04T22:28:00.000-08:002004-01-05T12:26:27.686-08:00I was lounging on a large couch in my local coffee shop reading 'high fidelity' for the n'th time. its not that I forget the story just I find new things every time I read it. new things that are pretty much the old things but make more sense now. the whole knowing it comparing to understanding it thing.
seated on a round table in front of me were 2 guys and a girl talking shop, database backup, ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1072909145474312642003-12-31T14:19:00.000-08:002003-12-31T14:20:11.920-08:00I'm going to head bunt the next person that cheerfuly says 'see you next year!!!'
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1072728775021539762003-12-29T12:12:00.000-08:002003-12-29T16:44:14.966-08:00the world should stop, or pause at least!!
estimated 30 thousand people dead in an earthquake and this world keeps on turning!! no hick ups! another 17000 in 2001 in india and the same. 2 soldiers and 2 children by a road side bomb, a whole bunch of people from hunger and aids and on and on. if I didn't have tv or newspapers or internet in this deserted island I would think everywhere else is as ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1072682112744022412003-12-28T23:15:00.000-08:002003-12-29T00:21:34.043-08:00This is some goosebump!!?! It’s coming up to 72 hours!!!
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1072552091408301862003-12-27T11:08:00.000-08:002003-12-27T11:09:13.936-08:00I have not scoped any of these organizations so do if needs be.
www.ri.org
niac
pass on the word please.ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1072485910501517132003-12-26T16:45:00.000-08:002003-12-26T16:51:32.623-08:00I dont know about tomorrow but today god SUCKS!!!!!!
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1072133879643534242003-12-22T14:57:00.000-08:002003-12-25T00:02:50.106-08:00as I left my apartment towards a friend’s house for shabe yaldaa I noticed something different but couldn't put my finger on it. took a second to realize the block was in total darkness! my apartment had light and it was from the next block where the power outage started. I remember the days from tehran when we lost power due to air raids or lack of infrastructure and still played in the street ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1071968511749759102003-12-20T17:01:00.000-08:002003-12-20T17:06:19.936-08:00we might be through with the past but the past is not through with us (ref. magnolia)
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1071796259826710192003-12-18T17:10:00.000-08:002003-12-18T17:11:53.670-08:00I was going through my address book on my yahoo account trying to locate a friends email and at the same time clean up and remove duplicates and old email addresses and such. I came across the email of my friend heinz. I met heinz and his girlfriend elisabeth during a 2 week safari in africa 2 years ago and had kept in touch with them since then. heinz was in his sixties with a shaved head and a ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1071699790566983952003-12-17T14:23:00.000-08:002003-12-18T10:11:59.060-08:00$650 and a beautiful heart shaped butt.
its not what you think.
although swamped at work I decided to step out from under the shadows of the fluorescent lights and take a real lunch break. went to one of the local coffee shop/restaurants after running a few errands and sat inside the french glass doors soaking up the sun. and there she was, sitting with an older gentleman at a round wooden ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1071382041278901732003-12-13T22:07:00.000-08:002003-12-13T22:11:50.796-08:00this is probably the saddest thing you'll hear, at least today. there is a busy neighborhood close to my house that I frequent to get food, or rent videos or pick up the necessary odds and ends from the stores and many restaurants lining the street. within this neighborhood there is a homeless man that I've seen almost every time I've been there. he usually sits on different corners and on ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1071074399901468412003-12-10T08:39:00.000-08:002003-12-15T12:42:22.996-08:00one of these rainy nights as I'm merging into the rightmost lane of a busy highway at 50mph, the driver in the lane is going to break exactly at the same time as me and speed up exactly at the same time as me and break exactly at the same time as me exhausting the few seconds I have to merge until our side view mirrors become a centimeter apart, and at the same moment the 34th camel in a caravan ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1070917155173931352003-12-08T12:59:00.000-08:002003-12-08T12:59:58.263-08:00I have layers of lamb wool on my skin
but cant get rid of the chill in my bones
shiver moves down my back vibrating every cel
my fingers are slugish on the keyboard
my muscles shake
my feet have been left out by the short blanket
the breath I take is as cold as a woman done wrong
the thought of the sun doesn't do me any good
the touch of a friend doesn't do me any good
I would cast my body into ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1070571763098803612003-12-04T13:02:00.000-08:002003-12-08T00:30:05.310-08:00been fighting a flu for the last few days. got up yesterday from an afternoon nap with my mouth dry and body temperature higher than usual. walked over to the frig and scanned the contents. nothing but boxes and boxes of gaz and bottles of torshi. no fruit, no fruit juice, not even cold soda pops. you know when u want something so bad u can taste it? that’s how a nice cold drink would’ve been ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1070319473580727582003-12-01T14:57:00.000-08:002003-12-01T15:07:03.343-08:00I was sunk deep in my leather chair watching tv. what program, I don't remember. the door to my apartment was open and in walked kaanji the neighbor's cat. he is black and white and has gotten pretty fat off the local population of mice. san francisco is full of them. my animal lover neighbor put a bell on his collar but he still manages to score a few per day.
I stopped surfing.
"kaanji, get ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1069986167176164072003-11-27T18:22:00.000-08:002003-11-27T18:26:55.733-08:00gubble gubble. thanks-giving day is half way done. I usually try to hit one of the soup kitchens in town to help out a bit but my regular place was booked up, no more volunteers needed. these are places that beg for volunteers during the year but get too many during thanksgiving and x-mas. guess the homeless are on vacation when we're not!! ended up at a foundation supported by a church group. ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1069729513560417112003-11-24T19:05:00.000-08:002003-11-24T23:54:42.233-08:00if I geneticaly modify the desire of a cabbage to of an antelope, will it move?
ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1069388124683276822003-11-20T20:15:00.000-08:002003-11-20T23:31:45.576-08:00my left hand under my chin
four fingers resting on my lip
the sound of computer fan buzzing in my ear
smell of, smell of nothing, it smells like nothing in specific
my neck has a hard time supporting my head
it's stuffed and feels like 500 kilos
1001 thoughts mingling in there
but they'r all drunk
none of them make sense
they talk over each other
some demand more attention
the important ones sit ffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5654980.post-1068948732787562442003-11-15T18:12:00.000-08:002003-11-19T00:06:16.840-08:00give me coffee.
give me love.
give me a new thought.
place a seed in the dirt and give me life.
give me a passing grade
a priest with no faith
a mind to illuminate.
give me a mother with too much pain.
a slice of bread
water tainted with lead.
give me power
let it corrupt me
give me a child
let it humble me.
with every passing moment give me time
make it still.
give me silence.
give me liquid.
ffnoreply@blogger.com